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Only An Impulse

by Maribelle

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1.
So how can you get from this day to that, with the hair on your chest and the fat on your back? With so many crushes, and none of them loves, I've taken what you've given and still cannot give enough of my heart–that left me when you met me. I've no choices but that doesn't mean I'm settling. In paper or in plastic in landfills or in love. In lockets and pockets and pictures we put up. In toilets and timetables with latex sweaty hugs, kill pills, pillows, me and you, or maybe just bad luck. So it goes without saying, I've no choices but that doesn't mean I'm settling. If you cried when we left, until those words raced through your head, saying "it's better to leave upset than to leave something unsaid". Still she goes without saying "I've no choices but that doesn't mean I'm settling".
2.
Lock yourself into a cell and pray that you can offer more to this world, and try not to hurt yourself. Is a man underestimating you? Is a friend causing fear the way that only good friends do? If a bridge can't be made for your heart and mine to take, it's emotional distance and it never gets easy. Is a friend underestimating you? Is a love causing fear the way that only good loves do? It's emotional distance and it never gets easy.
3.
Deer Mask 04:34
I look at my grandfather and I see myself. I look at my father and foolishly think I’m further than the elderly in my youth, and in the young I’ve known my mom, and the things she once knew and what she knows is gone. The desperate desire for change. The misery of consistency. So deconstruct. English Americans became Americans, and I marvel at what they gained and what we’ve lost. Mounted deer heads, and East Texans. Conservatives of industries of meat, oh glorious meat. I welcome a stranger, and I wear the deer head. I miss the familiar, and I deconstruct. I wear the deer mask. We wear the deer masks. We miss the familiar, and I deconstruct, and we eat glorious meat. Eat meat, glorious meat. And two become three. Though I’ve still not seen my brother, or his new fiance younger than my undone and in debt sister who wears the deer mask, and we miss each other. I wear the deer mask and talk of long since without a lover, so I am the animal. So I breathe glorious trees. I breathe.
4.
Your friendly ghost haunts my home, and holds me. So take me with you. I already miss you. I’ve nothing left to lose, but boat fulls of youth–hid in harbors of awkward waves. In heartburn and obvious mistakes. So rituals and man-made obstacles can’t stop us from trembling imprisoned and nightly in visions, I wonder where my true love is, and if they can hear this.. Then take me with you. I already miss you. I’ve nothing left to prove, but boat fulls of truth–hid in harbors of auburn waves. In heartburn and honest refrains. Though the years may consume us and terrorize our consciousness, I wonder where my true love is, and if they can hear this...and it haunts me.
5.
Talk 03:07
I just talk shit, and can’t get anything done. You just listen as I ramble on and on and on. No matter how bad I want it, I can’t undo what can’t be done. So I just talk shit. Yeah I just talk. And maybe it’s not worth it, when I don’t want what others want done. Baby I can’t help it when I ramble on and on and on. So if I still can’t call it, or I’m just too ugly old and no fun. Baby I just talk shit. Yeah I just talk how there are so many hardcore bands, and there are so many rock ‘n roll bands, and there are so many emo bands. I just want you to understand. There are so many local bands, and there are so many national bands, and there are so many European bands. I just want to travel across the land. There are so many artisans, so many young art students, so many gallery apartments, and I just want to work with my hands.
6.
You’re seven, and you wake in the early evening to find your father, rod in hand, on his way to what you can’t understand. So you hyperventilate, until your mother rushes to your aid. Though you don’t even like fishing. No you don’t even like fishing in the early evening.
7.
There's no sense in wondering where our lives are both heading. I could have told you where I'd be, if you only had asked me. Still there's no time for wondering if our time was worth giving. I swore I told you it won't be anything short of disappointing. I could have told you. If there's no time for rummaging through the things still worth saving. Must we abandon all we've been to get to the places that we are going? I never wanted you anyhow. Do you still need me where you are now? If I couldn't care for you anyway, at least we both make a clean break. I could have told you. I might have told you.
8.
I've been naming a lot of things, and thinking about what to call this. Maybe something without any strings, little boundaries and borders that I can't miss. I've been building so many things, and destroying just as many. It must be the man in me, that I can't kill but sure won't be. And goddamn it, it kills me. I've been naming so many things. Way too many. So many. Too many.
9.
In erasing our bodies, so glorious, we will forget what was and move on. And what we cannot grow will stay gone. If all our shells crumble and fall, we'll be better off. All of the races will erase themselves. Still, don't think me sick for wanting you smug little shits to be gone, with every bad tattoo that will remove itself from you. Every fashion statement you've made that will relinquish your name––will be cleared from your past like every fanny pack and ugly turtle neck's unholy holes you've put things through, you've put me through.
10.
"There are beautiful things" she said with her arms wrapped around me. "There are still things I need. Like two arms to tell me I'm too skinny. Wrapped around me twice." While I could swear you were still one I want, in the moonlight I try to reclaim everything mine, and yours, and mine. "And you're mine. I'm yours." No one is anyone's. No one.

about

Record release show October 5th in Chicago!
www.facebook.com/events/437638886282707/

View a video preview of the album here:
vimeo.com/44254021

"Only An Impulse" is the second LP from Maribelle, and was recorded in Chicago with Andy Nelson at Bricktop Studios. 10 songs, containing the 5 songs from the "Deer Head Pre-Release" re recorded, plus 5 new songs, now available Drugged Conscience Records.

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released August 1, 2012

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Maribelle Chicago

Maribelle is an emo-punk band from Chicago. Members include E. Aaron Ross, Chris Mills, Patrick Lawlor, and Sarah Ross. 'With Teeth Sharp As Old Friends' was self-released in February of 2010, and is the first LP by the band. The second full-length, "Only An Impulse" is now available on CD through Drugged Conscience Records. ... more

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